We’re Adult’s Now
As we step into 2025, we have to be realistic. We’re adults now. You and you alone are responsible for your emotional intelligence. It’s no longer about who hurt you, or who made you feel this way, its about what YOU can do to fix YOUR problems.
Life in your 20s is like being handed a blank page and a dozen pens, with everyone shouting different things you "should" write down. It’s exhilarating, overwhelming, and, if we're being honest, messy. Somewhere in this chaos, I’ve realised one thing: emotional intelligence isn’t just a skill, it’s survival. And while those wounds are real, one must remind themselves of God’s Word where He sees our pain (Psalm 34:18).
Growing up, I blamed a lot of my issues on the circumstances or people that hurt me. Toxic friendships, family dysfunction, heartbreaks, you name it, I had a list of grievances ready to justify why I acted the way I did. And while it was valid to feel those emotions and acknowledge those experiences, there came a day when I looked at my own life and thought, Okay, so now what?
I can’t pinpoint the exact moment, but I remember sitting on my bed after yet another conflict, one I felt “wasn’t my fault”, and realising that the common denominator in all my problems was me. That wasn’t an easy pill to swallow. But it was liberating.
I’ve come to learn that emotional intelligence (EQ) isn’t just about being empathetic or managing other people’s feelings. It’s about mastering your own mind and heart. It’s about taking ownership of your thoughts, reactions, and the choices you make every day. And most importantly, it’s about recognising that while we can’t control who or what hurt us, we are absolutely responsible for how we heal and grow.
Here’s what this journey has taught me:
1. Self-Awareness is Brutal, but Necessary
Do you ever stop mid-argument and think, Wow, I’m actually the problem here? I used to hate admitting that I was reactive, defensive, or sometimes just plain wrong. But Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us to trust the Lord and not lean on our own understanding. Self-awareness invites God’s wisdom into our lives. Knowing my triggers and flaws helps me walk more wisely and gently through life.
2. Responsibility is Freedom
For years, I told myself that my pain wasn’t my fault, so fixing it wasn’t my responsibility. But here’s the truth: even if something isn’t your fault, it’s still your responsibility to deal with it. Whether it’s therapy, journaling, or simply sitting with my emotions instead of numbing them, I’ve learned to show up for myself. Because no one else will.
3. Forgiveness is For You, Not Them
Let’s be clear: forgiving doesn’t mean condoning. But carrying resentment is like walking through life with a backpack full of bricks, it only weighs you down. Jesus taught us to forgive seventy times seven (Matthew 18:22) because resentment is a heavy load to carry. Forgiving isn’t about letting others off the hook; it’s about letting God heal your heart and breathe new life into your soul.
4. Growth Means Letting Go
Some of the hardest decisions I’ve made in my 20s have involved walking away, from relationships, habits, and even versions of myself that I’d outgrown. Growth is painful, but it’s a choice. And every time I’ve chosen growth, I’ve felt a little more aligned with the woman I’m becoming.
5. Feelings Aren’t Facts
This one hit me like a ton of bricks. Just because I feel abandoned doesn’t mean I am. Just because I feel like a failure doesn’t mean I’m incapable. Emotions are valid, but they aren’t permanent truths. Learning to sit with my feelings, understand them, and let them pass has been a cornerstone of my emotional intelligence.
This isn’t easy. Taking responsibility for your healing is one of the hardest things you’ll do. There will be days when you slip, when you want to retreat or throw a pity party. But remember, your 20s are the foundation for your life’s story, Psalm 90:12 urges us to “number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”
Emotional intelligence is a daily practice. It’s in the way I pause before reacting, how I take a deep breath when I want to lash out, and how I choose to be kinder to myself and others. It’s a commitment to growth, even when it’s uncomfortable.
At the end of the day, I’ve realised that no one is coming to save me. And that’s okay. Because I’m learning to save myself.
And honestly? That’s the most empowering thing of all.
To anyone else navigating their 20s and this emotional rollercoaster, know this: it’s messy, but God’s got you. Keep going. You’ve got this.
