To the Woman Who Always Shows Up But No One Shows Up For

Dearest tender hearted reader,

You know the type, the one who texts first, arrives early, remembers every birthday, and never forgets the small details. The one who shows up, every time, even when it’s inconvenient, uncomfortable, or downright exhausting. Yes, you, the perennial bridesmaid of friendship, the relentless anchor in family chaos, the loyal partner in romance, often standing alone on the sidelines when everyone else forgets the dress code.

I see you.

I’ve been you.

I’ve been that woman who RSVPs yes before considering how much it’ll cost her time, energy, or emotional bandwidth. The one who rearranges schedules, sacrifices sleep, and somehow manages to send that cheerful “I’m here!” text, only to be met with silence or last-minute cancellations. It’s a lonely position, like hosting a party where you’re the only guest who bothers to show.

Remember that Saturday when I drove two hours through rain just to meet a friend who ghosted? Or the Christmas dinner where I was the only one who arrived on time, plate in hand, while everyone else trickled in fashionably late, except fashionably is irrelevant when you’re left with the cold turkey? That sting, that quiet ache when you realise you care more than they do, it’s real.

But here’s the truth nobody tells you in your twenties: showing up is brave. It’s a radical act of hope and love in a world increasingly comfortable with indifference. It means you believe in people, in connection, in loyalty, even when they don’t return the favour.

Yet, showing up without reciprocity is like shouting in an empty room. At some point, you’ll ask yourself: Why? Why am I the one doing all the work? Why am I always the first call, the first text, the first to forgive?

Here’s a little secret: you deserve better than being the only one who shows up. Because while showing up is admirable, it should never cost your self-worth, your peace, or your sanity.

Don’t apologise for expecting presence in return. Don’t let anyone convince you that your loyalty is a burden or that your desire for mutual effort is unreasonable. This isn’t about perfection or demanding grand gestures, it’s about simple, consistent respect.

If your friends can’t value your presence, if your family can’t see the effort you pour in, if your romantic interest treats your availability like an endless buffet, maybe it’s time to stop RSVP’ing yes to them. Not because you’re bitter or selfish, but because you’re wise.

Learn to say no without guilt. Guard your time like the precious currency it is. Show up for yourself first, because you are the one who truly matters in your story.

And trust me, there’s nothing sexier than a woman who knows her worth so well she won’t settle for crumbs when she deserves the full feast.

So here’s to you, the woman who always shows up. May you find those who show up for you. May your presence be met with presence. And if not, may you have the courage to walk away, gracefully, confidently, unapologetically.

Because showing up is power. But showing up for yourself? That’s unstoppable.

With ink-stained fingers and a heart half-stitched,

Calliope Orford