(Faux) Friends?

You know those moments when you catch yourself scrolling through your contacts and wonder, “Who here is actually a friend… and who’s just on the payroll of my good intentions?” Yeah, me too. Friendship isn’t meant to be a full-time job, although, sometimes it feels like one, especially in your twenties, when life is this awkward mix of growing up and still wanting to binge-watch The Great British Bake Off with a mate who actually shows up.

So, how do you know when to pour in more time and love or when to quietly (and graciously) let a friendship drift away? Here’s the ultimate friendship check-in, because life’s too short for half-hearted friendships and too precious not to invest in the right ones.

First off, ask yourself: does this friendship fuel your soul or drain it? I remember this one friendship that was like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in it. Every time I invested a little time or shared a vulnerable moment, I left feeling emptier. Not to be dramatic, but it was spiritually exhausting, like running a marathon in stilettos. We all have seasons when we need to pour out love, but friendship shouldn’t be a one-way street. After you talk to them, do you feel uplifted, understood, and a bit lighter? Or like you just lost a round in emotional boxing? If it’s the latter, it’s okay to rethink where you put your energy. The Bible reminds us in Proverbs 27:17, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Friendship should sharpen, not dull.

Next, consider whether the effort feels balanced. I’m a giver, I’ll admit it. I’m all about surprise coffee runs, heartfelt texts, and showing up when it matters. But when it’s always me, it’s like singing a solo in a choir where everyone else is on mute. Do they check in on you? Or is your birthday the only time they remember you exist? Do they celebrate your wins or just show up when they need a favour? Friendship is a partnership, not a charity case.

Then there’s the trickier question of whether your values still align. People grow, change, and sometimes your closest friend suddenly prefers weekend clubbing over quiet church services and meaningful conversation. It’s fine, everyone’s got their path. But ask yourself: do your core values still line up? Because if your faith, ambitions, or worldview have diverged drastically, maintaining that friendship might become more exhausting than enjoyable. That said, being different isn’t a dealbreaker, diversity is beautiful, but if the friendship pulls you away from your values or leaves you doubting your faith, it’s time to reconsider.

We can’t forget how they handle conflict. We can’t have a friendship without the occasional hiccup. But when conflict hits, do they talk it through with grace or ghost you like you’ve committed some unforgivable crime? True friendship looks like forgiveness, honest conversations, and sometimes saying “I’m sorry” even when it’s hard. If your friend avoids every serious talk or holds grudges like trophies, that’s a red flag flashing in neon.

And here’s the hard truth, not every friendship is meant for every season of life. Some people walk with us only for a chapter, not the whole book. Maybe they were your university buddy, but now you’re in a different phase, law school, serious faith commitment, life goals that don’t involve late-night parties or endless drama. It’s okay to let those friendships naturally fade with kindness and gratitude.

So, what next? If you decide to invest, schedule a coffee date, send a thoughtful message, be real about where you’re at emotionally. Pray about the friendship too, asking God for wisdom and clarity never hurts. And if it’s time to let go, release it with grace. You don’t need a dramatic “friendship break-up” text. Sometimes, simply reduce the effort and allow space for natural drift. Keep your heart open but your peace intact.

Friendships are precious, but they aren’t a binding contract. Like any relationship, they need tending, honesty, and sometimes tough decisions. Honour those who sharpen your spirit, uplift your faith, and bring joy. And for the rest? Let God handle those chapters.

Because you, my dear, deserve friendships that reflect the love and faith you live by, not friendships that leave you questioning your worth or faith. So, what’s your friendship status? Time to invest or time to say “God bless and goodbye”?